Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher.
*****
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's
all right now.
*****
Have
you seen Quasimodo?
I have a hunch he's back!
*****
How can you tell
that a vampire likes baseball?
He turns into a bat every
night.
*****
How
can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the
jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
*****
How do you fix a
jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.
*****
How does a girl
vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.
*****
What did mama
cannibal said to baby cannibal when he told her that he really liked
his grandfather?
"Would you like another piece?"
*****
What did the
cannibal do when he saw an "All you can eat" restaurant?
He
had two waiters and a busboy.
*****
What
did the french fries dress up as for Halloween?
Masked
potatoes.
What did the little
ghost have in his rock collection?
Tombstones.
*****
What did the
mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
"Don't spook until you're
spooken to."
*****
What
did the skeleton say to the bartender?
I'd like a beer and a
mop!
*****
What
did the skeleton say while riding his Harley?
I'm bone to be
wild.
*****
What
do baby ghosts wear on their feet?
Boo-ties
*****
What do ghosts
and goblins drink on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid.
*****
What do ghosts
put on top of an ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.
***** What do ghosts
serve for dessert?
I Scream.
*****
What do little
ghosts drink?
Evaporated milk.
*****
What do sea
monsters eat for lunch?
Fish and ships.
What do witches put
on their hair?
Scare spray.
*****
What do you call
a ghost in a torn sheet?
A holy terror.
*****
What do you call
a ghost with a broken leg?
Hoblin Goblin.
*****
What do you call
a little monster's parents?
Mummy and deady.
*****
What do you call
a monster with no neck?
The Lost Neck Monster.
*****
What do you call
a roomful of ghosts?
A bunch of boo-boos.
*****
What do you call
a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand witch.
*****
What do you call
dead cows that come back to life?
Zombeef.
*****
What do you do
with a green monster?
Wait until it ripens.
*****
What do you get
when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
A sour-puss.
*****
What do you get
when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What do you get
when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
*****
What do you get
when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its radius?
Pumpkin
pi.
*****
What
do you give a skeleton for Valentine's Day?
Bone-bones in a
heart shaped box.
*****
What
does a skeleton orders at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
*****
What game do
ghost like to play?
Peek-a-Boo.
*****
What goes
"Ha-ha-ha . . . THUD!"
A monster laughing his head off
*****
What happens
when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist.
*****
What happens
when a ghost haunts a theater?
The actors get stage fright.
*****
What instrument do
skeletons play?
Trom-BONE.
*****
What
is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show?
A celebrity roast.
What is a
ghost's favorite desert?
Iced Screams.
*****
What is a
ghost's favorite oatmeal?
SCREAM of Wheat.
*****
What is a
vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving.
*****
What is a
witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
*****
What is as sharp
as a vampires fang?
His other fang.
*****
What is
Beethoven doing in his coffin right now?
Decomposing.
*****
What is
Dracula's favorite kind of dog?
A blood hound.
*****
What is the
tallest building in Transylvania?
The Vampire State Building.
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