Marriages never last these days. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"

Marriage is grand. Divorce is about 20 grand.

A broken heart is what makes life so great ten years later, when you see the guy in an elevator and he is fat and bald and smoking a cigar and saying "Long time no see."

 

Men are like guns... keep one around long enough and some time you're going to want to shoot it.

A man rushed home from work, burst in the door, and exclaimed, "Pack your bags, woman. I just won the lottery!" His wife asked excitedly, "Should I pack for cold or warm weather?" He said, "I don't care, just be out by Tuesday!"

A woman who dresses to kill probably cooks the same way!

Newlywed wife: So, do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Newlywed wife: Yes or no.

Confucius say: Man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink.

Wife: "You look tired, honey. How about a nice steak, a baked potato and an apple cobbler for dessert?"
Husband: "Nah, I'm too tired. Let's just eat at home."

Definition of a Bachelor: A guy who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success!

Adam said to Eve just before the guests arrived: "Honey, did you put my laundry in the salad again?"

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

A bum asked a man for a dollar. The man asked, "Will you buy booze with it?" The bum said, "No... I don't drink." The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No... I don't gamble." The man said, "Well then, I'll give you five dollars if you'll come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble!"