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WrensWorld Happy Nest Presents...

Quick Quips

Taa-Daa.....THE BLONDE

*I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb ...and I also know that I'm not blonde...... -Dolly Parton-

*I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor-

*The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

*A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! you'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. we're going at night!"

*A police officer stops a blond for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.  Just yesterday you take
away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

*A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.  It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."  Her question was,  "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

*The blonde reported for her university final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions.  She takes her seat in the examination hall, then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet-Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating.  The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.  "I finished the exam in half and hour.  But I'm rechecking my answers."

* An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.  The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing.  He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied,  "There are only three doors in here," she cried,  "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'!

*A Blonde was down on her luck.  In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've Kidnapped You."  She then wrote a note saying, "I've Kidnapped Your Kid.  Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground.  Signed, "A Blonde." 

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.  The next morning the Blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.  The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,00 with a note that said, "How could you do this to another Blonde?"

*A blonde went to her mail box several times before it was even time for the mailman to make his rounds. A neighbor noticed her repeated trips to the curb and asked if she was waiting for a special delivery. Her reply: "My computer keeps telling me I have mail".

* There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette.  They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others.  All of the blondes started clapping. 

The End.....:-)

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